In the Beginning…Eve’s Version.
This blog is a culmination of the blogs I wrote September 2013. On August 7th 2013, I had a dream of Satan dropping down in front of me and he was after me. Some beings around me, ushered me up a cone shaped hill and I got under the cover of a lifeboat and was lowered to safety. I awoke in sheer terror and was scared to fall back off to sleep.
See the homepage of my website http://www.lesleychappelle.com/home-page.html for further information.
The blogs and story, I am about to tell are non-fiction and all true, so help me God.
My intentions for this story is to change how we associate to depression and suicide, plus many other subjects, such as love, but particularly my story is about wanting to understand why my brother committed suicide 18th April 1993.
Two and a half years ago, my father died of cancer, 17th April 2012 and three days later my mother died of a brain haemorrhage, 20th April 2012. So basically April is not a good month.
You will not believe what you are about to read, but as God is my witness, it is all true. The Holy Spirit came upon me, as God showed his presence on earth and through me. A truly AWESOME story that you will never forget!
To begin this journey with me, take a look at my blogs below and if you find my poetry healing, then you can purchase my book on my website, which is the cheapest at a very good price of £9.97. Please follow this link by clicking here. You can also purchase the book in Kindle form on Amazon, and Authorhouse. Please click here to look inside.
CLICK ON PICTURE TO LOOK INSIDE!!!
PAST BLOGS
Have you ever wondered what life was about…?
08/09/2013
One month ago I was awoken by the fear of madness. A negative force in my life decided to nearly frighten me to death. So much so, when attending church 11.08.13, I could barely sing the hymns or speak the words of The Creed. I felt like running away from the service, but I stayed and let my tears flow.
Satan decided I was a threat and he was coming for me – he nearly won, but if it hadn’t been for the prayers and support of my Christian friends, I would have surely gone mad and had a nervous breakdown.
In my life, I have given most of my ideas and inspirations freely, so I searched the web for some free relaxing meditations. I came across some wonderful meditations by Steven Luzern (stevenluzern.com). This man brought me back from sleepless nights and put rest, healing and happiness back in my life. I will be forever grateful to this man.
He, as well as my many friends, have made me strong enough to tell my story with NO FEAR!
I invite you to share this journey with me, which will hopefully lead to a better understanding of who you are and why we are here…
Lost Soul – Realisation that I was lost…
09/09/2013
My Poem… Lost Soul
I saw a woman lost today, I could tell within her stare.
She fumbled through her duties, as if she didn’t really care.
Occasionally she’d rant and rave to try and find herself,
But then she’d dismally slip away to sit back on her shelf.
Her energy was humming but she had no place to go,
She felt like she wanted to talk, to let somebody know.
I heard her once praying, reaching for the sky.
She was asking for forgiveness, because she really wanted to die.
I passed her every now and then, to check that she was all right.
But every time I tried to help, she put up a tremendous fight.
I think I understand her, when I’m near I start to dither.
I knew, I knew this woman; she’s my reflection in the mirror.
When I wrote this poem I was becoming aware of myself and didn’t know what was happening to me…
- Who am I?
- Why was I becoming totally in-sync with everything?
- Was I on the verge of a nervous breakdown?
- Was I on a journey to find out who I was and where had I gone wrong?
- Where was I going?
- Who is going to help me?
- Am I going to die?
- Am I going insane?
- What is insanity any how and why do we fear it so much?
- Who put that fear there?
All these questions were reeling round in my head and I felt I was floundering.
A dear neighbour suggested I attend her church, but past experiences had practically drove me to a nervous breakdown, because the spiritual experience was too much for me to comprehend.
Nevertheless, I decided one evening to go to her church and I nervously stayed at the back, near the door, should I need to escape… The service began with a new Rector and although he was a kind man, when he was speaking in the lectern, I couldn’t see nothing else, but this spider. If was trying and failing to climb back up its web.
On seeing this spider’s persistent demonstration of trying to climb back up to safety, I couldn’t help but to relate to him. I thought ‘How like me’ that spider is. Continually trying to complete my tasks, but forever falling down.
In that moment, I looked to the eaves and asked God silently in my mind ‘If you are really there and love me, please show me a sign?’
That very moment I felt a warm pressing on my solar plexus and the warmth penetrated my heart. I couldn’t quite believe what was happening to me, but just enjoyed the secure warm feeling of pure love.
After the service, the Reverend stood at the back of the church and on seeing me, out stretched and opened his arms and I immediately fell into them
A VERY LARGE ORB, WHICH WAS TAKEN AT AGDEN DAM MARCH 2012.
MY ORB…
14/09/2013
Two years ago in March 2012, while walking on one of my favourite walks, I took a photo with my phone. I thought nothing of it until I downloaded it on to my PC and saw this really unusual orb. Not only was the orb massive but on magnifying it, I could see several dogs faces – my dogs from past and present.
This didn’t freak me out, although a passing thought made me think it felt like some kind of wormhole… I’d had lots of dreams of going to the ‘other side’ and playing with my late Nova Scotia Duck Toller, Holly. On seeing her image in this orb, part of me wondered why I was been shown this?
My Spiritual Enlightenment…
15/09/2013
In 1998 while heavily pregnant and before I started attending church regularly, I kept seeing 1:21, 12:12, 21:21. 20:20 and 22:22 every time I happened to glance at the time or awoke in the early hours of the morning.
This began to get really annoying and I couldn’t quite grasp what all this stuff meant. The more I tried to ignore it, the more it kept happening. In frustration, I searched on Google and was directed to a woman called Sister Hope. She told me God was trying to connect with me and wanted me to purify my soul so that I could receive God’s message. Whoa!! I reacted immediately and thought ‘No Way!’
I suppose like ‘Jonah and the whale’ I just carried on with my normal life, y’know things like taming a savage Staffordshire Bull Terrier pup, which seemed to find my driveway around 20:20…hmm. Within half an hour and a lot of compassion, care and love, I won this dog’s confidence and was able to stroke and allow him into my home. At this time I also had a 5 month old puppy, called Holly, she was my Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever, so I was very watchful of this once savage and snarling beast. My then husband, on arriving home, immediately said ‘No way are we keeping it!’ and we took it to the local police station.
I found the whole experience of having a savage dog come to me a little weird but nevertheless I carried on regardless. At the end of December 1998, my neighbour asked when he thought my baby would be due. I casually said, without thinking, ‘Oh I think ‘he’ll’ be 10 days early and just walked into the house. The next day my neighbour greeted me once again and continued to ask ‘Well what date will that be then?’ To be quite honest, I thought why all the interest? So I gave him the date and guess what? My son was born on 21st January 1999 the year and the month which had a ‘Blue Moon’ – Always said it would have to be a blue moon before I would have a baby, lol.
To be continued…
The Arrival…
18/09/2013
So sure enough on the 21st January 1999, while trying to get back to sleep, a constant backache would not let me rest. Before my husband left for work at 5:30 am, I asked him to bring me a glass of water so that I could take some painkillers – the glass remained at the top of the stairs…hmm H&S issues there…
Having no idea about labour or the signs that you’re in labour, as the normal symptoms weren’t showing, I resorted to looking in my Miriam Stoppard pregnancy book and oops, I was going into labour…
Without going into too much detail, the labour went extremely well. At that time my then ‘motherly instinct’ wasn’t so apparent, as I was so exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I remember my son being a bit of a Gannett when it came to feeding time and the nurse took him away so that I could get some sleep. Phew thank goodness for that I thought and on his return I groaned because I wanted more sleep, but selfless motherhood prevailed.
If you have been/are ‘just’ a new mother, you’ll know that thinking I could and wanted to sleep and rest more was just delusional, 🙂 but I did look at him when he was first born and just said his name without thinking about it.
My husband tottered off to telephone our parents – no mobile phones then and on announcing my son’s name, my stepmother nearly fainted. Why? This was the name of her first deceased husband and this was also his birth date. Of course I had no idea or knowledge of this! Also a few months later when I thought further about these ‘coincidences’, I realised that my son was born ‘exactly’ 9 months after my deceased brother’s birthday on the 22nd April. For the record, this was 6 years after his death.
Obviously the next few months of my life were taken up with caring for my beautiful baby boy and the whole experience was heavenly.
On bringing my son home, I slept by his side constantly. The room we slept in had always been a cold room, but when my son and I laid there together, pure warmth emanated from us and it felt truly ‘Holy’. The poem I wrote about my son was called aptly, ‘A Dream Come True’.
Before my son came into my life, which for the record, has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done, I was in a very unhappy marriage. The relationship was devoid of all care, love, compassion and understanding. It was a one way relationship and he had it all his way. As I had met my ex-husband at a very young age, I was totally inexperienced about ‘everything’. Due to his selfish actions, I decided to either leave him or go on holiday with my sister, my niece and our friends. This was my first assertive reaction towards my domineering husband and we booked the holiday a year in advance in October 1997.
I was soooo looking forward to letting myself go and to finally feel a little freedom from my husband, but in June 1998 I found out I was pregnant. I still went on the holiday, but while all the other girls were living it up, the only thing I had up was my feet 😦 However, something special happened on that holiday that made me realise that actually there are some kind gentlemen out there…
REALISATION…
20/09/2013
One night, while in Playa De Ingles, Gran Canaria, at our evening meal, my niece decided to continue the family trait of putting me down and disrespecting me in front of my friends. I was obviously hormonal due to being six months pregnant and I responded and said my piece before rushing off with my friend.
We went straight down into the nightclub, as there was nobody in due to it still being very early or so I thought… I started sobbing and telling my friend about the family trait. I didn’t realise we were sat right at the side of the DJ box and then this guy came out and I quickly wiped my tears away.
He was the MD/DJ of the hotel and that night, which was party night, he made me feel very special and gave me a lot of attention. The proceeding days, his attention and kindness was felt. When he found out I was a professional singer he made a point of getting me up on the stage one night for karaoke…
I sang ‘Daydream Believer’ by The Monkey’s and although it wasn’t in my key, it went down pretty well. Subsequently, Alex, the DJ, asked me to do a duet with him, so we decided on ‘Endless Love’ by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross. I wrote a poem about this experience, which is in my book, called ‘Love at first touch’, here’s a little preview of it…
Where are the cameras?
What is this scene?
Can this feeling be real
Or is it just a dream?
Tenderly we touched hands;
Entwined with grace.
Arms around each other,
Everything fell in place.
Songs we sang together,
Like lovers in a movie.
Eyes slipped into one another;
Suddenly broody… …
After that song something was awoken inside of me and for the first time in my life I felt a connexion to a man – this man.
The rest of the holiday I tried my hardest to avoid him and especially contact with his eyes, just in case he saw what I was feeling. At the same time I could feel him staring at me all the time and I felt this strong energy and attraction between us.
Obviously I’m a married, six month pregnant, hormonal woman, who’s feeling very receptive and vulnerable to such attention and kindness. However, my strong moral upbringing would not allow such fantasies to enter my mind and tempt me. I have to say though, I couldn’t sleep for the wonderful feelings that were rushing inside of me and I think I felt true love…
Well funnily enough, my married niece (the one who I had the argument with) also thought he was a dish and proceeded to constantly flirt and have a laugh with him. Apparently he took her and her friends to a beach party, but I wasn’t even invited. Also he was a bit of a scrounger and he was asking my niece and friends for a lift home in the taxi. Hmm…
On the last day of our holiday, we didn’t leave the hotel while late and while in the nightclub, due to my niece announcing we were going home, she grabbed him on to the dance floor. While been whirled around by her, he then released himself and came to me…
Once again as he held me in his arms and we danced, everything seem to float and glide gracefully into place. I flushed and released myself from him and tried to laugh it off, but he could feel the same attraction.
When we were due to leave, Alex came up to the hotel reception area and while my niece tried to get a snog off him, he pulled away and came over to me sheepishly. He shook my hand and kissed me on my cheek saying if I wanted to write to him, I should address it to the hotel. My heart was breaking inside and I just sat on the coach silently and discreetly cried – thank goodness it was dark!
MY SON AND I, WHEN HE WAS A FEW MONTHS OLD – HE IS NEARLY 16 NOW!
ALEX DORST AND I IN PLAYA DE INGLES, GRAN CANARIA OCTOBER 1998.
The following months…
24/09/2013
After getting back home, life took on its normal tone, but this time I was full of love, not only in my tummy, but from Alex’s kindness. He had opened my eyes to a different world, which was full of hope and happiness… Adrenalin was pumping through my body and I felt alive.
I dreamt of us in a castle – I was in the tower and Alex and I were being torn apart. However, music kept coming on the radio that reminded me of him and the memory just wouldn’t go away.
I couldn’t quite believe the ‘coincidences’ that were occurring and when I use to go out performing, I use to sing Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ to him in my mind and I meant ‘every’ word I sang. I brought people in the audience to tears, as I belted out the passionate feelings of love that I felt for Alex.
Even when I went to see the film the ‘Titanic’ I just kept weeping all the time after the film ended, because I knew how she felt. I remember I lost my sterling silver watch at the cinema and we had to go back – I found it on the floor under the seat. The silver part was most significant because the tune I remembered Alex most for was Dj Quicksilver — ‘Belissima’. I use to remember dancing to this on holiday and at home all the time…
I could just about bear my existence and the birth of my child, with the little bit of kindness and attention that he had given me.
My health was blooming and I felt like I was shining, and the lack of compassion and kindness from my husband, just didn’t bother me anymore. He knew something was different about me, because I was so happy and carefree, but he couldn’t quite work it out. His coercive nature didn’t bother me so much either, as I clung on to hope. Deluded possibly, but faith can move mountains and hope kept me alive.
About a month after returning from our holiday, I decided to write to Alex and tell him how appreciative I was for his attention and kindness. I didn’t count on him replying, but he did – giving me his address. I didn’t write back, because labour and morals wouldn’t let me go there. Needless to say savage dogs and strange self-prophecies were enough to deal with.
Proceeding months were filled with caring for my child and being thrilled and happy with my son’s beautiful love. It was the happiest time of my life, still is, and I loved being at home and caring for him. I use to sing ‘This is my Moment’ by Martine McCutcheon.
‘This is my moment
This is my perfect moment with you
This is what God meant
This is my perfect moment with you…’
I use to cry when I held my baby and sang this to him – I now felt whole with him. I also use to dance around the house, especially to DJ Sasha, with the dance music belting out and remember all the wonderful feelings I felt on holiday – his memory just wouldn’t go away.
One-day while we were coming back from Morrisons supermarket, we had Galaxy FM on the radio and a DJ was playing the same music that Alex use to play on holiday. When he announced his name was Alex too, I flushed and pricked up my ears up to listen a little more to what he was saying. There were so many coincidences, that I kept thinking, surely it can’t be the Alex I knew and he’s come over to England.
Around May time when my son was 5 months old, I decide after picking up great courage, to email the Galaxy 105 DJ called Alex. I asked him if he’d recently worked in Gran Canaria, and low and behold he emailed back replying that he hadn’t worked there. I freaked out a little, due to fact he’d even been bothered to reply.
MY BROTHER AND I ON ONE OF OUR GIGS, WHEN WE WERE ‘BRIDGE THE GAP’.
The photo is my brother and I performing in a pub 22 years ago! OMGOSH I feel sooo old!
Well back to the story. After freaking out, I decided after a couple of weeks or so, to email the Galaxy DJ called Alex back and apologise for bothering him. He said ‘I don’t mind’ and ‘no don’t stop emailing – I like talking to you’. He did imply he had a G/F? but as I wasn’t interested in him in that way, it didn’t bother me. Although he did flirt a few times and after a while I started to trust him and confide in him with regards to my ‘experiences’ and how unhappy I was. He was very mature, kind, guiding and knowledgeable when he emailed me back and I felt a really good friendship was building. As I told him my concerns of seeing 1.21, etc… he called it something – can’t remember what it was, but anything bigger than marmalade would have confused me then anyhow. 🙂
Obviously he was extremely busy, as I was, with a 6 month old baby and he couldn’t always reply to my emails, but occasionally I would email him and listen to his shows on the radio. He also use to say he read and listened to everything I said, but didn’t always have time to reply. His music, dance and trance choices would sometimes trance me out. I felt so happy when I listened to him – he really had the same techniques as I, when it came to entertaining, lifting people and making them happy. We even use to finish our gigs off, his DJ gigs and my singing gigs, with Monty Pythons – Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.
He’d do a lot of extra blipping in radio show and it felt like subliminal messages were being sent through his ‘Listen to the radio’ prompts that use to come on randomly. This would happen either in the beginning, middle or end of a tune. I use to think and even asked him once, what and why was he doing it? He just said he did it randomly and had no other purpose, but I felt he was communicating with someone. Not sure whether it was to his girlfriend or someone else, but it just seemed if I’d spoken to him via email/telephone, it would relate to me. For example, I remember him cheekily calling me ‘LADY’ once in an email, because I made a snooty remark back at him. He was teasing me, of course, but the next minute Modjo, ‘Lady Hear me tonight’ was released.
These connections happened very frequently and I thought is he using me as some kind of muse/inspiration? I did use to feel a thrill from this, as I thought this was a private communication just between us. His voice was beautiful and kind, but confusion was occurring in me…
It was the Alex on holiday that I felt for and why was I starting to feel things for this DJ? Besides I was unhappily married and he had a girlfriend – I wouldn’t dream of cheating on my husband or splitting anyone up. So I just use to confide in him.
After a while, due to not hearing anything from the other holiday DJ, his memory was fading and Radio DJ Alex was becoming more apparent in my mind. I also acquired information from my sister, that holiday DJ Alex had also written to my niece. This made me realise he was probably just flirting with every girl.
HEALING ANGEL
The meeting…29/09/2013
Here’s an angel to focus on and use to heal your stresses away… Don’t forget to check out stevenluzern.comas well, as his meditations have really worked on me. I’ve gone from hell to heaven in the matter of weeks and now I have the strength to tell my story – not forgetting the prayers and healing from my Christian Friends….So back to my story… on hearing Alex D was a bit of a womaniser, I decided to let the idea go that Alex meant anything to me. I was obviously extremely low, unhappy and he was a stepping stone to help me along at that time. Also at this time Alex P was doing a great job in helping improve and give me confidence.
I only ever met him twice for about 15 minutes each time and this was at ‘The Forum’ in Sheffield and ‘The MayFest’ at Hillsborough Park. On seeing him for the first time at ‘The Forum’ my heart was beating so fast, but show business had taught me how to look ‘cool’ on the surface. You see, at that time, emailing Alex P didn’t really feel real, but then to suddenly realise I was going to meet the man I’d been confiding in, made me feel so nervous. I took my mum with me for support, but getting there was a nightmare…
The route I needed to take to drop my son off, suddenly became impassable with a lorry being stuck under a bridge. Finally after taking a looong diversion, we were on our way and I felt panic taking over. When my mum and I entered ‘The Forum’ my heart was pumping so fast I thought I was going to faint. I remember looking for him and saw him in the window of the pub. He was with a girl and a man – wasn’t quite sure whether that may be his girlfriend, but I just wanted to meet the man whom I’d been talking to and had helped me so much.I remember on seeing me, he became all embarrassed, and I felt a little more confident as he felt the same as I did. He came up to me and shook my hand – I’ll never forget how soft it felt… In fact everything about him was soft….his voice…his hands, his eyes, his skin and when he kissed me on the cheek, even his lips were soft. I remember kissing him back and even his cheek was soft. I’ve never forgotten how he felt. Before I knew what was going on, camera lights started flashing around us and I didn’t know what was happening…
Contd.
Preceding months – as God is my witness…
30/09/2013
So after our meeting in the year 2000, I would email radio DJ Alex , as I couldn’t talk to my husband about such ‘spiritual and deep matters’, for fear he would lock me up in a Psychiatric ward and throw away the key. This had happened to me before…when I was 24 and was having some enlightenment then…
I shall divulge this later in further detail, about what happened to me after going to a Billy Graham event in 1985, at Bramall Lane, Sheffield.
So confiding in Alex was easy as he seemed to know and understand what was happening to me. I remember once him asking me whether I believed in God and I said yes I did and still do – very much so. It was the year 2000 and I knew something very spiritual was happening to me – I was awakening.
Not only was I self-regressing without realising it, as I listened to Alex’s radio show, but his trance music, was making strange things happen in my house and around me. The radio kept banging off randomly and orbs flying around the room when my son and I were dancing – he was about 3 years old when the orb lights happened.
So when listening to Alex’s show one evening – my husband was on nights, I had my first regression through meditating. An image came into my mind from nowhere and I saw a hand/my hand?? picking an apple off a tree. As I emailed Alex about this, suddenly everywhere I seemed to see and hear was EVE, EVE, EVE. I then wrote the poem ‘EDEN’. This completely threw me into turmoil like the 121 happenings did and it just wouldn’t leave me alone.
I felt guilty and tremendously burdened that the reason the world was like it was, was due to me. The weight of the world had literally been put on my shoulders and it freaked me out…!
I shall try with God’s will to share these things, but all I can say is I was seeing these signs continuously and many other things…
Another example of freaky things and before I say this, the last thing I want you to think is that I have any power within me – it is something that comes through me and I don’t know how to switch it on or off at will, as it just randomly happens. So just to reiterate this ‘I CAN’T JUST MAKE THIS HAPPEN AT MY OWN WILL!’
So to continue, one evening, which by now was spent mostly chilling out to Alex’s radio show, my ‘then’ husband who complained constantly about the pain in his shoulder, asked me to massage it. Under protest I agreed and he sat on the floor in between my knees. I started to rub the problem area and then Tiesto – ‘Adagio For Strings’ came on the radio – I just melted and relaxed on hearing the classical music part. WOOSH a bolt of energy shot through the crown of my head, straight down my right arm and into my husband’s shoulder. He yelled out ‘What the hell…?!’ in alarm and shot up off the floor. I just looked at my hand in shock and said ‘Wow – I don’t know!’ The next day he had a red mark on his shoulder where the power had gone into. Freeeaky!!
I wouldn’t mind but one night, on listening to Snap, ‘I got the power’ – I was messing around dancing and shot my hands into the air. Whoops it happened again! By this time now I’m getting more than totally freaked out by these experiences and I was getting frightened. What the heck was going on…?
So as you can see, this sort of stuff was happening to me and I felt the more I tried to ignore it, the more it kept happening – I couldn’t escape it. In frustration and also at this time, I was avidly writing a lot of my poetry about who, ‘WHY’ and ‘WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?’ whom was/am I? I wrote to Alex P and I Google searched for what the 121 etc meant. So all this stuff was happening in the year 2000.
Contd.
To Conclude
So there you have it! An amazing story and this is just the past – wait until you see what happens…!
Have a great day and peace be with you…! 🙂